"I'm Going to Die Alone"

I’m a glutton for punishment, there is no denying that. But I do things I will later regret nonetheless. One such thing is watching The Bachelor/ette/In Paradise shows. I don’t watch as often as I do, but when I do, I get hooked for a few seasons.

The newest season of Bachelor in Paradise started this past Sunday, and ooh boy, am I already hooked. The virgin might get pregnant, men cry, fights break out, and that was all in the previews for the season! I can’t wait to see what really happens!

One thing that really stuck with me from last night’s episode is something Ashley I, a.k.a The Virgin, said. The entire time she’s been in “Paradise”,(which has only been a week in the magic land of TV) she obsessed over one of the guys. Because she found him attractive, any time she would sit near him and try to strike up a conversation, she’d “clam up” (her own words, folks). She would feel super awkward and not know what to say to anyone. But when she saw other people talking to her crush (which, according to her is a phenomenon since she never likes guys), she freaks out. The one thing she kept repeating before the rose ceremony was the title of this blog post.

I sympathize with the poor girl up until that point. I’m shy too, I have a hard time talking to people I find attractive; I can't think of things to say and get super awkward when talking to any guy. But there are a couple of differences between the two of us. The first one: SHE LOOKS LIKE A FREAKING MODEL! She is beautiful, and any guy that doesn't find her attractive is blind in both eyes! I, on the other hand, can barely look at myself in the mirror. She has curves in all the right places, and my curves can afford to lose a few inches.

Second difference between us: SHE SIGNED UP TO BE ON THIS SHOW! While I have dabbled with the idea of signing up to be on the Bachelor and meet a guy looking for love, I know I would never make it. I look nothing like the girls that go on to be the future Mrs. Bachelor, or even go on to be the next Bachelorette. I would never make it, because I am not these guys’ type. The Virgin, on the other hand, she was picked by producers to be on The Bachelor, she was his type, and from what I remember, she got pretty far. Not too far, but far enough to get the attention of the Bachelor viewers.

Now, if a girl like this is saying something like that on national television, and she feel this bad about herself, WHAT CHANCE DOES THAT GIVE ME IN THE REAL WORLD??? I feel like that constantly. I am so afraid I am going to end up dying alone. I am in constant fear that everyone is looking at me, silently jesting to themselves about the girl reading a book on the train, looking so depressed and alone, aww poor thing she’ll never find anyone. Or seeing the shy girl with her friends at the bar, standing in the corner looking so lost because all the girls around her are so much prettier, so much fitter, so much better looking all around than her.

Ashley I, you need to grow up and let the people who might actually die alone and unloved complain and cry about it. It isn’t fair that not only do I have to fight against myself every day to get out of bed and plaster on a smile to get through the day, but now I have to think about how to get the one up on all the famous pretty people crying they have no one.

That’s it for this post. Until next time – I’m Charlotte Carmichael and thanks for reading.