The Randomness That is My Life

Hello internet people. I am going to take the random thoughts I typed within the last month or so. I apologize in advance that these things do not completely work together, but it always ends up leading to the same conclusion. I am alone in this world, and I want to change that so badly.

 

 

 

I think a lot, and sometimes when the timing is right, I write a lot. I have quite a few notebooks that have my thoughts written down. What sucks though is that once I write my thoughts down, I never want to think of them (so to speak. I never seem to forget anything). So it sucks having a blog and not having much to write.

 

 

 

This year is my (insert multiple of 5) year high school reunion. It is coming up in one month exactly, and I have until the end of the month to register. The great thing is that since the registration is online, you can see who else is registered to go. So far there are 4 – count ‘em – 4 people from my year going! WHOA! But seriously, there is no one going. Which is why I’m not sure if I want to go or not.

Here’s my problem. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone I graduated with. I just happened to read my yearbook the other day, and the things people wrote were so sweet. The people that said “Oh we should hang out and meet up and blah blah blah,” I haven’t heard from them in years. I wish I would have kept in touch, but I have this feeling all the time that if I contact people, I’m bothering them. So I literally have one friend I went to school with, and we only talk two or three times a year.

I keep checking the list of people coming. It seems like I’m waiting to see someone’s name. Who, I’m not sure. But I know if I see that one name, I’m going to go. If not, I can wait another 5 years.

  

I get these random feelings sometimes. Almost as if the world is unbearable, and that if something would go right, I would feel better. Most of the time, it feels like I’m super nervous about something, it becomes a little hard to breathe and I get the butterfly feeling. And then as I try to calm myself down, I get this sense of dread. I am going to be alone for the rest of my life, and no matter what I do, my love life is going to be as dry and lifeless as it is right now.

I think that is why I want to move out of the big city I live in. It’s a huge city, with so many possibilities, and none of them are happening to me!

 

That’s it for this post. Until next time – I’m Charlotte Carmichael and thanks for reading.