Friendship is A Two Way Street, Unless You're Talking to Me

I can’t believe this is bothering me so much. This past weekend was my high school reunion. It was also my birthday, but that is beside the point. I didn’t go to the reunion, obviously. I feel the reasons I had were pretty solid:

1)      It hasn’t been that long since I saw these people last

2)      I don’t talk to any of them, meaning no one has kept in touch

3)      I didn’t want to sit there awkwardly with so many people around me having a great time

4)      I’m not where I want to be in my life, and don’t really have any accomplishments

And this is the biggest one folks,

5)      I can see how everyone is on FACEBOOK!!!

That’s right everyone. The people of my generation have Facebook, and can see what everyone is doing at any point of their lives! This makes number 2 even worse. In the x amount of years I’ve been out of high school, no one could have the common courtesy to ask how I was, how my life is going?

I know you are probably saying, “Well then why don’t you get in touch with them? Friendships go two ways.” And you’re absolutely right. So I will explain myself.

I’m shy, awkward, weird, what have you. I have a hard time keeping a conversation going, and I am horrible at flirting over texts, emails, and sometimes in person. I have no self-esteem whatsoever, and I hate putting myself in a position where I can get rejected in any way shape or form. A little over a year ago, I deleted everyone from Facebook that wasn’t family, friends that play Facebook games, or my one friend from high school that I do keep in touch with (we shall call him Anthony from here on out). So I have at most 30 friends.

Now Anthony and I have an odd relationship. When I say he is my only friend, I really mean it. He is a couple years younger than I, and he is still in college, in another state, no less. We text each other about3 times a year, and it usually ends up with us making plans to meet up and hang out. He is probably the only person I won’t bail on. When we hang out, he tells me about his conquests and how he’s a dick to women (I call him Barney Stinson, and he agrees most of the time). Of course I am attracted to him, but I would never let anything happen because he is my only friend and he is a dick. Plus I highly doubt he sees me any way other than a friend.

So at the beginning of this year, we had been conversing, and something came up about me not having friends. So decided to grow some balls (I blamed him for it later, but knew I was going to have to do it sometime). I sent two Facebook messages to two people I used to be really close to. I sent them the same exact message, and asked if they wanted to hang out. I put myself out there and really wanted something good to happen. One of the people I sent it to read it and ignored me. The other still hasn’t seen it. I put myself out there and got… rejected! I actually followed up with the one that never read the message on twitter, and we texted each other for all of a half hour. When I asked him if he wanted to meet up, he stopped answering.

Another time, I got a message on Facebook from someone, which was a shock. I hadn’t spoken to this person since graduating, and he is probably the only ex I don’t hate, so it was a nice surprise. He and I went back and forth for a few days, and made plans to meet up after work. On the day of the plans, he tells me he can’t go, but we should hang out the next weekend. I said sure, and then – you guessed it – HE NEVER ANSWERED ME!

Do you see a theme, readers? Every time I try to go out on a limb and change my anti-social habits, I get ignored. The other problem may be that I never follow up, but I’m always afraid I’m texting someone at an inconvenient time. So I wait for an answer. When it comes to Anthony, that ends up happening a lot, but he always answers. Even if it is two days later, I always get an answer.

I got away from my original point… the reunion. Ok, so now that you’ve read my stories, and see that I’m not completely crazy, maybe my reunion fears make a little more sense. I was afraid (and actually am still afraid for my next reunion, five years from now) that I was going to sit on one of the bleachers in the gym with a drink in my hand, sipping it, and watching all of the people I graduated with shake hands, hug, squeal, laugh, talk about their accomplishments, show off their significant others, and just be extremely happy.

I um… readers, I think I’m done with this post. I have a lot to think about.

Until next time – I’m Charlotte Carmichael, and thanks for reading.